BOB DYLAN TRIED TO SHOOT JUNK WHEN HE WAS A TODDLER

THE BANALITY OF EVIL

Not much is know about the young Bob Dylan other than the fact that a very young age he had a hankering for heroin. Baby Bob had plenty of toys in his crib. Later he collected all the toy hyperdermics from his friends "Doctor's Sets." When ever the family went to a hamburger joint Bob would ask for "the works." At thanksgiving he would ask for turkey "and all the fixuns." Unable to score he did the best he could. When he asked his mom for Kelloggs Sugar Smack, she thought nothing of it, just that he left off an "S". But when Bob asked if he could buy "Preparation H" she began to wonder. She became even more suspicious when Bob asked her if he could see Mary Poppins - he thought it was Mary Skin Poppins. He insisted on watching Howdy Doody each night thinking it was Howdy Dugi. Dylan's mom also found it curious when Bobby asked her if he could travel to Alaska. Bobby had just heard the song "Go North to Alaska, go North the RUSH is on." When Bobby attended High School he enrolled in a sewing class as he thought "needle work" was "needle works." When this did not work he sauntered over to Hibbing Drugs and bought a tube of Fixodent. When none of this worked Bob tried to cop speed but ended up with Speedy Alka Seltzer. Every Christmas Dylan would ask "Mommy can I go see Frosty the Blowman" and his moms would respond, "That's snowman dear." Later in life Dylan would call himself "snowplow floater" cause the mother plowed enough snow in his nose until he floated on cloud nine." On occassion Dylan's mother thought her son to be a fag when he asked for "China White." She told him, "That's white china and that is for girls to play house with not for little boys."